Love

Songs I listened to while writing this blog: You Won't Relent, by Misty Edwards, and Prodigal, by The Michael Gungor Band

My favorite movie clip about infertility that I think really portrays a Christian man and woman’s struggle beautifully is from Facing the Giants. Watch it here,  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJ8p9BlX9ro

In this scene, the husband asks his wife a very straightforward question, “If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him?”

The wife does not reply, but you can see in her face that she is struggling with her own answer.

I’ve thought about this question, and for myself, my answer waivers. If God, the creator of all things, the one who breathes life, who spoke the sun and stars into existence, withholds that one thing that you desire the most, will you still love Him? Would any of us? Would I?

For me, the one thing would be to have a child of my own. I very easily relate to the woman as she looks into her husband’s eyes, wanting to answer truthfully.

Perhaps that answer is no. God is unfair. Perhaps she was thinking the same things I’ve thought before: I’ve served God faithfully. Doesn’t He care? Doesn’t He see my tears? Doesn’t He know that every month I lose hope over and over again, I start to doubt His very existence?

Regardless of her answer, the question is a difficult one to face; to remove the mask that we use to hide from each other, and really examine with clear eyes.

It’s easy to bluff. To tell everyone and even yourself that your ‘desire’ is small and insignificant, that it doesn’t eat you up inside. Every time I see a pregnant woman, or newborn baby, my own monster rears its jealous head. For you, maybe it’s every time you see a happily married couple, or someone who is a successful entrepreneur, or someone gets the raise you deserve, or has a special talent, etc.

What is the desire of your heart that if you don’t get, you feel you cannot love God?

Ask yourself this question, “If the Lord never gives me ___________________, will I still love Him?”

Answer it truthfully, and then if your answer is ‘No’, as mine has been in the past, ask yourself why. Is it because God really doesn’t care about you? Is it because you’re an ‘older brother’, as I was, feeling justified demanding things of your father because you have ‘served’ him all these years? Is God truly as unfair as He seems?

To all my single friends, I ask, “If the Lord never gives you a husband/wife, will you still love Him?”

To all my working friends, I ask, “If the Lord never gives you that dream job, or raise will you still love Him?”

And to all the precious barren men and women, “If the Lord never gives you children, will you still love Him?”